I came out of my house yesterday and there was my car. where i had left it on monday... (i rode my bike all day tuesday)... it was parked on 4th street showered in gifts!
on the windshield was a $61 parking ticket for street cleaning the day before when i hadnt moved it. and the entire side of the car was coated in filthy, sewage smelling water that was in a puddle next to the car... obviously all day/night cars had been zooming by and splashing this nasty nasty water all over the side of the car.
well... i chose to just take it with a grain of salt... get in the car and drive to teach my first private that morning. En route up to the palisades my car started driving really weird. revving super high in each gear and not picking up speed. SO, i just turned up my music (the burning man soundtrack i made that includes our awesome fire gazebo bronski beat song)... drowning out the revving sound and i just breathed through my mouth as i sang really loud, so i wouldnt have to smell the nasty sewage water on my car.
I got to teach and was a few minutes early, so i just hosed off the car, but it actually didnt help for some reason. oh well.
then i left there and drove to my second private client. This time, i barely got there. My car was not even barely moving. This particular client prefers me to teach breathing and guided meditation, so of course as i was leading him through, i was really speaking to myself.
Guiding him to energetically release and surrender anything that was happening that was out of his control, because what is the point of trying to resist or push against the universe? there's no stopping that sucker and it will just exhaust you...
and of course my favorite thing to remind people... "if we are resisting, we are experiencing a lack of ease... and what is a lack of ease, but DIS-EASE... so really, when we reisist and fight, we are just bringing disease into our lives"...
So after leading my client, but really leading mySELF through releasing and surrendering to the universe's plans.... i left and got back in my car.
i had to call my friend and let him know that i wouldn't be able to drive to his meditation class that i promised i would go to and started to feel really guilty and bummed out that i was bailing on him, but quickly reminded myself that the universe has a plan and i just have to roll with it and embrace it!
SO, i decided i needed to go to my mechanic. Of course i broke down on the way, but hey! at least i was on my way there. So, as i sat there on the side of the road in culver city starting to freak out waiting for the tow truck, i just had this OVERWHELMING sense of the playa at burning man.
and its like all the weight lifted off my shoulders and i just smiled.
all the questions of "why am i in this mess?" "why did i break down HERE" they were all so clear.
At burning man you never question why am i here? why did i take THIS route? because everywhere you go there is some amazing art installation or something that you look at and go WOW! i am so happy that the universe sent me in this direction... or else i might have missed this beautiful piece of art.
WELL... isnt the default world exactly the same? ALthough, the beautiful gifts along the way aren't shiny art installations, but moments in time alone, or weird tow truck drivers.
But isnt that a gift too? just like wandering upon a metal nest full of mosaic eggs made out of mirror.... i wandered upon donald, the tattooed, grumpy tow truck driver.
Donald arrived to tow me and there i was sitting in a meditation with a great big smile on my face. HE kept looking at me like i was either some hippie on drugs or maybe just slightly mentally retarded. WHO SMILES when they have a broken down car that smells like burning rubber and sewage and at least a grand in repairs, and is sitting on the side of some shady road in culver city? obviously someone who is remembering that this is ALL A GIFT! this is my art installation i wandered upon.
I told Donald all about how mercury has been in retrograde (and what that meant.. since he was looking at me like i was speaking chinese)... and how that is why he has had so much business. etc etc. and honestly, at first he was like, oh my god! why did i have to pick up the weird hippie chick, and by the end, he had turned his thug rap down and was so interested in what i was saying and was so excited to tell his friends at the tow place that they could plan ahead for next time mercury goes retrograde and know that business would be crazy busy and plan for it.
Then i get to the mechanic and again, i am ALL smiles. totally positive and happy and realizing that whatever happens is perfect. if i've blown my transmission, i would just have to get a new car.. and THAT would be my phoenix rising from the ashes... and if it was just the clutch burning out, i would be so lucky and just have a new clutch!
and the best part of all is that i hadnt eaten anything all day and as Donald was driving me up Washington blvd i saw we passed "leaf" the awesome raw foods restaurant.
SO, as soon as i dropped my car i had a lovely little walk about a mile down the road and treated myself to an AWESOME lunch at leaf.
NOTHING about this seemingly "shitty" day was shitty. I totally loved every moment of it.
Alex came and picked me up and took me to work and then i got to walk home while chatting to my mom for the whole half hour walk. it was awesome. AND.. it WAS just the clutch... AND i thought a new clutch would be 1500 and its only 850!
This is just ONE example of a day when the realizations and epiphanies i got at burning man were put into effect and i just rose above all these things in life that would have gotten me down in my old life and now, i just see them as this awesome gift... how BORING would life be without my cosmic art installations in the form of sewage water, and Donald, and burned out clutches?
Life is beautiful and i love every minute here in it.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
burning man 2009
my first year...
a friend said very clearly...
"trying to explain burning man to someone who has not been there is like trying to explain color to a blind person."
but, still... i journaled throughout and this is it.
Entry 1- departure day
Woke up at 5:15am and then lay down in bed and immediately thought/must have been dreaming I was in cary's mom's car outside their house and just took five deep breaths.
And then my alarm went off and it was 6.
Got to Alex's house... Chaos. She had slept for only one hour and was not packed. One of our camp mates called and hadn't slept... Was still drunk from last night. My car alarm went off for a good five minutes directly into her neighbor's house until we realized I locked my keys in the trunk.
Finally en route to Leo's house. Jamie driving with leonard cohen mellowness juxtaposed to the prior experience and the outside of the convertible.... Swirling above us....Fire smoke EVERYwhere... Although horrifically, intoxicatingly reminiscent of the fire that destroyed my home in Laguna in 1993.... Maybe a precursor of the SHIVA-esque death, destruction and transformation of fire and thus the experience to come at burning man.
???
Entry 2
On the RV allowing all the do-ers to do...
Someone I was not expecting is on the bus with us named David. I immediately love him. He gave me a blessing with his tibetan bowl from india. I felt it straight through every chakra.. Resonating deeply between my heart and throat chakras.. A deep aqua blue... Alex saged the whole rv and I feel like NOW I am ready...
Finally... I am prepared...
And we're off.
Entry 3
Incredible. I have found a spirit mirror friend. We've been drawing mandalas... He starts, I go, he goes, I go...
Beautiful intricate, spiritual art set to downtempo electronic music and stimulating conversations about universal, spiritual consciousness... And we don't even need to say the words, we know we know.
Very cool peoplei am stoked to be with on this journey. I pulled out of thin air that my new friend David was a gemini, libra rising. Not surprised... Synchronicity and cosmic clarity abounds....
Stopped for lunch. It is so hot.. Its unreal. And we're not even to the desert yet.
Back to mandala drawing paired with a taro card reading from Molly..
My work is so clear... Moving from this yogic knowledge, yoking the opposites in yin yang beauty and moving towards the priestess inside me to share the wealth of the universe. But I have to remember to nurture myself and take care so I don't deplete my energies while sharing my gifts.
Entry 4
Literally... Drawing collaborative mandalart for SEVEN straight hours with these awesome people from the RV.
Unreal.
Entry 5
Met the rest of our camp in reno and went for a "last meal" at joe's diner... Some pretty special people... All artists, musicians, and spiritual beings... We have some new mandalart collaborations which are just amazing..
We have a gallery... Tainted love is killing me its so sick
Its dark and we are driving towards the unknown in the desert... I don't know if I can accurately articulate what I am feeling... But butterflies... Swarms of butterflies in my stomach... Their racing wings tickling my throat as they frantically fly around inside me.
I keep saying "surrender"
Entry 6
We are on the road that leads to BRC (black rock city) i think it is the fifth biggest city in nevada which is crazy as it only exists for one week a year.
We are driving through pure nothingness caressed by the milky moonlight. There is nothing else for miles except for burner-mobiles in a line like ants following a trail of cosmic breadcrumbs.
Here we roll down this desolate, moonkissed highway with more bicycles then are safe to be precariously bungee corded to the back of RVs, buses, SUVs and the occasional beater honda that is like the little engine that could... "I think I can-ing all the way through this harsh desert landscape.
Inside our RV its pitch black except for a green glowstick I broke open and strung from the ceiling... Casting a small aura of greenlight like a firefly in a leporchaun costume for st patrick's day...
Just barely, we can make out the mandalart taped to the walls, fridge, cabinets, and microwave... Our inhouse gallery... The art is absolutely gorgeous. Seriously special pieces of art.
I just gave a long massage to a new friend with crazy chakra tatoos and skin mandalart... Immediately I feel like old friends with mostly everyone here.
Its so effortless.
Entry 7
2am... Waited in line to get gas in Gerlach... We arrived at the 2pump shell station 23 RVs behind the pump... For at least an hour and a half we idled and in the distance curving behind us we could see this infinite line of headlights...
As the time ticked by we drew some more mandalart....
Now we are in a line that moves 100 feet and then stops.. Engines go off... Electronic music goes on and the anticipation of this wild destination is so palpable... I feel like I could reach my hand out into the dark, cool desert air and grab ahold of the feelings of "oh my god.. We are so freaking close! I can taaaaaste it."
....And it tastes like playa dust
Entry 8
I can see the gate.
My eyes are playing tricks on me and I think I'm seeing ferris wheels and roller coasters but maybe that's what's in store for me?
holy man...
Entry 9
Its 4am... Still in line... So close and yet so far... There is a guy/girl in camoflage and a bright electric light-up hulahoop... Hoop dancing on the roof of the RV in front of us.
The dust is already making me cough.. Dry tickle in my throat, nose and lips,.. They weren't kidding. This is like reeeeal desert out here.... With the occasional ice cream truck and electric light up hoop dancer on a roof of an RV... So normal.
Entry 10
We got in at sunrise.
Its so phenomenal and beautiful.
This dust...
Oh my god.. This dust
I practiced yoga this morning and let the white powder coat my body... There is a deep spirituality in this dust
I was just in the middle of the playa where "the man" soars high in the air surrounded by miles of nothingness spattered and sprinkled with art installations that your wildest dreams might not be able to conger.
As a dust storm grew near...( A wall of white that consumes everything in its path and then moves on out towards the mountains in the same wall formation as before....) Huge, fat raindrops started to fall
There I was in front of this divine creation towering over the playa, swirling, dancing white alkaline dust flying towards me and the heavens opening up all at once...
I lay down right in the dust and looked up through my goggles to the sky and welled up with tears...
An african drum circle was playing next to me and the occasional "mutant art car" drove by playing loud music with laughter and voices behind that...
And through my goggles this beautiful phenomenon.. This white spirit soars and swirled and rushed before my eyes. I was so so moved.
It is so wild that this place exists...
I almost can't really explain it other then a world of whiteness dotted with colors that are not even on the spectrum
I am now at the heebeegeebee healing camp about to get an ayurvedic consultation with one of their healers.
What an experience
Entry 11
I have been here so many time before...
Molly suggested we go on a mutant car tomorrow night and I said "I've always wanted to do that and never gotten around to it.." Hello!!! I've been here less then 24 hrs...
But just like when they greet you at the gate and say "welcome home"... I've been here and I belong here
The art lying underneath a thousand colorful neon bulbs in strands lighting at different times ... Unreal tonight
Up to teach yoga at 7am at the shift camp tomorrow
I miss my jamie. But I hope he doesn't come.. Its a hard journey to make and we need to make it together.
Entry 12
6am wakeup call to go teach yoga... The playa is freezing and light is just pouring in... And there are still about twenty different bass lines wafting through the air in earshot of our RV.
People are definitely still up running around this grown-up playground!
Entry 13
Opened my eyes this morning at 6am the sun was just rising over the playa... Spirit healers walking in silence and partygoers still riding on mutant vehicles playing dub step music...
These dust storms are the shamic spirit of the playa reminding us that they are here whether snails shooting flames are here or not.
Beautiful.
I went for coffee at center camp and listened to acoustic music as the sun came up cascading its glory over the art which abounds throughout this cosmic wonderland...
This is a mad carnival playground for grownups
I practiced yoga way out.. About a mile into the playa... Surrounded by this glorious cracked dried playa dust... It was phenomenal.
There was an installation nearby with metal trees surrounding a little house with pillows and instructions to write a "future memory" on leaves and then pin them on the metal trees.
I meditated and has a strong vision, a future memory of childbirth.. Painful but cathartic and beautiful...
Entry 14
If you could see what I could see from the rooftop of this RV through dust covered lenses you'd be looking at a sea of twinkling, dancing, blinking, strobing, flickering, twirling neon light and flames... For miles.
It looks like we are on the moon dancing to summon the aliens...
Un-real
No joke... This white dust looks like moondust... And the blinking madness is of the aliens
Entry 15
In the playa, last night was a giant ring of flames that sporadically shot 50 foot flames into the air... Inside the ring were fire dancers
There were buses turned into caterpillars and snails that shot flames out of their backs.
We wandered through these art installations wide eyed, amazed by every single bizarre, unbelievable thing that I could never have even dreamed up in my wildest fantasies...
This place is bonkers.
Entry 16
Wednesday... I was able to get to the "satellite phone" someone has gifted burning man and was able to call jamie. We decided that he is not coming this year... I am worried about his ankle but relieved that I'm not going to be waiting for him to find me here.
We taught yoga this morning... A class in three parts... I taught the first third... Doing breathwork and warm up.. We ended up having 30 people which was amazing. I loved adjusting everyone because their hearts are so open and everyone is SO receptive to touch and adjustments...
When we got back, ross and jessica came over and we made plans for the night... We are going to go to the temple which is a GIANT wooden structure way out in the deep playa that burns on saturday... And everyone wears white and there are breakbeats playing all night.
Then I went over to the dreams tent and had one of the most powerful readings/ therapy sessions etc...
Three pyschics read me..
it wads profound... all about jamie and me and intuition...
Then i went to see the woman in the spirit cafe who was painting on people's bodies and she touches you and divinity tells her what to pain and where... And she painted a lilly flower on my right arm for jamie and I.... Its OUR flower... From weddings, anniversary, everything
Entry 17
I hand wrote a few incidents that stood out to me as totally bizarre on a scrap of paper in my pocket,
Mind you... These are minor incidents within a sea of similar obscurities and oddities...
A guy in a hooded gold unitard just rode by me on a jet ski
Dancing to alex's boyfriend marquis play a set at the art car wash... Which has pool noodles in a spiral to look like a carwash, and a scaffolding for people to dance on.... A herd of cows came towards us. 30 people in head-to-toe cow costumes with utters. (One wearing a pope hat)... And a black guy in a leopard suit with a glittering gold tophat on pogo sticks jumping with the herd... Came through the carwash.
Five minutes later a silver pirate ship driven by a naked fully turquoise man drove through and all the cows got on. Wild!
Entry 18
Today I got my hair washed in the hairwashing booth and named my washer "truth"
Then I went to center camp and saw a myriad of a bunch of performers and circus weirdos...
Then ross and jessica and I rode around... We went to the hookadome and had an incredible experience... Ambient sounds, a drummer, beautiful draped ceilings, hookahs and a man who sprayed us with lavender oil water...
Then I stood on the roof of my RV and watched skydivers drop into the playa as the full moon rose over the mountains...
Spectacular
Entry 19
We had an amazing magical mystery tour with my RV (alex, Dennis, leo, molly and chris and tosh)... Went down a three story high astroturf slide on a potato sack...
Went in a spaceship
We walked ALL over the playa... Night is so different when we walk.. Much more interactive but freezing cold and really really long walks..
I finished the night at 4 am in the jazz cafe listening to a group of 50/60 year old men playing amaaaaazing jazz music... It could have been in the palisades.. But I suppose the passed out christmas tree dressed girl in the corner and the naked man all in silver paint listening in the audience gave away that this was nooooot the palisades!!
I also saw christoph and his girlfriend again.. I walked up to her and did a polychanell...
We got two new people in our camp mikey and christian who are hysterical. Christian is sleeping on the roof.
So funny. I looooooove these people, my camp roooooocks.
Entry 20
Last night I watched the universe melt.
Entry 21
Its the night the man burns... Just spent hours on the roof of the RV re acclimating, surmising, recapping, and analyzing this illuminating experience.
There is only what is....
Entry 22
The man burning was so cathartic and moving.
We sat on the breathing playa earth in a group holding each other, recognizing the end of this experience with fear, sadness, acceptance and finally... Clarity.
I thought back to the moment I first felt the moving, dancing spirit of a playa dust storm move through the desert canvas while raindrops fell on my goggled eyes, guarding the tears that rolled down my cheeks.
I thought of the massive opening and light that shines here illuminating divine consciousness and truth.
David and I sat on the roof before we left for the burn, playa dust swirling around us. He, acting as a mirror or filter for me to come to my conclusions... To sum up and make a single coherent thought about my experiences, which at present were wild, disconnected, overwhelming feelings.
It was one of the clearest moments I've seen or felt in my entire life when Mikey, (my newest soul brother and journey partner)
Asked me to teach him yoga as the sun rose at dawn after roaming the desert all night arm in arm deep in conversation and contemplation.
In this moment, it was so clear to me that teaching yoga is the way that I am able to channel the divine spirit through and relay it into pedestrian life. Perfect communication with the spirit and creator.
I realized that we should not focus on what SHOULD be, but what IS.
That there are no "higher levels of consciousness"... Only consciousness.
The top of my head split open and the bright sunshine fire-light gowing like the crown beneath the man during the burn- began to shoot skyward like the bursts of flames we've seen all week on the playa.
My path... Although not straight and nothing like what I thought it was, lit up... And lead to that divine light source and beacon... Confirming what I've been following... My life work so clear in this single sunrise moment shared with someone who was a stranger only a few days ago.
My life work...
To love fiercely and deeply
To teach the little bit that I know and to unite... To yoke...
To live yoga in every waking hour beside my partner... The man who's soul my firey heart beats every beat for and with..
God, I hope he gets what the HELL I am talking about. Jamie has been in every thought and moment and literally every single beat of my heart since I have been here.
Entry 23
Sitting on the roof of the RV taking one last look, one last long inhale... Trying to absorb and lock in this place.
We just watched the temple burn. A totally different experience to the man burning... The man burning was loud and exciting and boisterous... A celebration with fireworks galore.
This temple burn was silent and somber.. Started with about 10-15 skydivers with flares on their feet and next thing you knew the temple was on fire. This beautifully constructed wooden piece
of art garnished with dreams, wishes, intentions and memories began to collapse one petal at a time, like a flower dying and springing new birth.
The smoke coming off the flames was golden and iridescent in the moonlight.
As if by magic, a bird flew from what looked like out of the flames and up into the sky. We ALL saw this small golden bird and heard the chirp. Like a spirit released...
I turned to each of my friends who I've spent this journey with, humbly thanking them for being a part of my experience!
Entry 24
I fell asleep in the RV before we even pulled out of the spot where we've been parked and thus called home for seven long days... 4:45 and F... I woke up 6 hours later with an aching heart. I think I just knew I had to sleep it off and couldn't sit and watch the playa get smaller and smaller in the distance... I had to pull off the baindaid so to speak.
I woke up at a pit stop at mcdonalds in who-knows-where....
Where's all the art cars?
A pit in my stomach...
Where's the playa dust?
I feel incapacitated.. Like I've broken up with a loved one.
I feel like a butterfly that just lost my wings... Now I have to go back to walking around on my own feet, like the caterpillar I once was before I grew wings and learned to fly...
I am going back to a world that is entirely fine.. I'm a healthy, happy caterpillar, but I KNOW what it feels like to fly... I know that I have the capacity to spread my wings... But I also know that they only grow in a certain climate and I won't be able to return there and fly again for another year. In the meantime I will remain broken... Looking full and complete as a caterpillar to most... But those who know me on the playa know that this is just a younger, wingless version of me.
How do I go back to crawling and walking when I remember soaring and flying?
My heart literally aches for that place already...
a friend said very clearly...
"trying to explain burning man to someone who has not been there is like trying to explain color to a blind person."
but, still... i journaled throughout and this is it.
Entry 1- departure day
Woke up at 5:15am and then lay down in bed and immediately thought/must have been dreaming I was in cary's mom's car outside their house and just took five deep breaths.
And then my alarm went off and it was 6.
Got to Alex's house... Chaos. She had slept for only one hour and was not packed. One of our camp mates called and hadn't slept... Was still drunk from last night. My car alarm went off for a good five minutes directly into her neighbor's house until we realized I locked my keys in the trunk.
Finally en route to Leo's house. Jamie driving with leonard cohen mellowness juxtaposed to the prior experience and the outside of the convertible.... Swirling above us....Fire smoke EVERYwhere... Although horrifically, intoxicatingly reminiscent of the fire that destroyed my home in Laguna in 1993.... Maybe a precursor of the SHIVA-esque death, destruction and transformation of fire and thus the experience to come at burning man.
???
Entry 2
On the RV allowing all the do-ers to do...
Someone I was not expecting is on the bus with us named David. I immediately love him. He gave me a blessing with his tibetan bowl from india. I felt it straight through every chakra.. Resonating deeply between my heart and throat chakras.. A deep aqua blue... Alex saged the whole rv and I feel like NOW I am ready...
Finally... I am prepared...
And we're off.
Entry 3
Incredible. I have found a spirit mirror friend. We've been drawing mandalas... He starts, I go, he goes, I go...
Beautiful intricate, spiritual art set to downtempo electronic music and stimulating conversations about universal, spiritual consciousness... And we don't even need to say the words, we know we know.
Very cool peoplei am stoked to be with on this journey. I pulled out of thin air that my new friend David was a gemini, libra rising. Not surprised... Synchronicity and cosmic clarity abounds....
Stopped for lunch. It is so hot.. Its unreal. And we're not even to the desert yet.
Back to mandala drawing paired with a taro card reading from Molly..
My work is so clear... Moving from this yogic knowledge, yoking the opposites in yin yang beauty and moving towards the priestess inside me to share the wealth of the universe. But I have to remember to nurture myself and take care so I don't deplete my energies while sharing my gifts.
Entry 4
Literally... Drawing collaborative mandalart for SEVEN straight hours with these awesome people from the RV.
Unreal.
Entry 5
Met the rest of our camp in reno and went for a "last meal" at joe's diner... Some pretty special people... All artists, musicians, and spiritual beings... We have some new mandalart collaborations which are just amazing..
We have a gallery... Tainted love is killing me its so sick
Its dark and we are driving towards the unknown in the desert... I don't know if I can accurately articulate what I am feeling... But butterflies... Swarms of butterflies in my stomach... Their racing wings tickling my throat as they frantically fly around inside me.
I keep saying "surrender"
Entry 6
We are on the road that leads to BRC (black rock city) i think it is the fifth biggest city in nevada which is crazy as it only exists for one week a year.
We are driving through pure nothingness caressed by the milky moonlight. There is nothing else for miles except for burner-mobiles in a line like ants following a trail of cosmic breadcrumbs.
Here we roll down this desolate, moonkissed highway with more bicycles then are safe to be precariously bungee corded to the back of RVs, buses, SUVs and the occasional beater honda that is like the little engine that could... "I think I can-ing all the way through this harsh desert landscape.
Inside our RV its pitch black except for a green glowstick I broke open and strung from the ceiling... Casting a small aura of greenlight like a firefly in a leporchaun costume for st patrick's day...
Just barely, we can make out the mandalart taped to the walls, fridge, cabinets, and microwave... Our inhouse gallery... The art is absolutely gorgeous. Seriously special pieces of art.
I just gave a long massage to a new friend with crazy chakra tatoos and skin mandalart... Immediately I feel like old friends with mostly everyone here.
Its so effortless.
Entry 7
2am... Waited in line to get gas in Gerlach... We arrived at the 2pump shell station 23 RVs behind the pump... For at least an hour and a half we idled and in the distance curving behind us we could see this infinite line of headlights...
As the time ticked by we drew some more mandalart....
Now we are in a line that moves 100 feet and then stops.. Engines go off... Electronic music goes on and the anticipation of this wild destination is so palpable... I feel like I could reach my hand out into the dark, cool desert air and grab ahold of the feelings of "oh my god.. We are so freaking close! I can taaaaaste it."
....And it tastes like playa dust
Entry 8
I can see the gate.
My eyes are playing tricks on me and I think I'm seeing ferris wheels and roller coasters but maybe that's what's in store for me?
holy man...
Entry 9
Its 4am... Still in line... So close and yet so far... There is a guy/girl in camoflage and a bright electric light-up hulahoop... Hoop dancing on the roof of the RV in front of us.
The dust is already making me cough.. Dry tickle in my throat, nose and lips,.. They weren't kidding. This is like reeeeal desert out here.... With the occasional ice cream truck and electric light up hoop dancer on a roof of an RV... So normal.
Entry 10
We got in at sunrise.
Its so phenomenal and beautiful.
This dust...
Oh my god.. This dust
I practiced yoga this morning and let the white powder coat my body... There is a deep spirituality in this dust
I was just in the middle of the playa where "the man" soars high in the air surrounded by miles of nothingness spattered and sprinkled with art installations that your wildest dreams might not be able to conger.
As a dust storm grew near...( A wall of white that consumes everything in its path and then moves on out towards the mountains in the same wall formation as before....) Huge, fat raindrops started to fall
There I was in front of this divine creation towering over the playa, swirling, dancing white alkaline dust flying towards me and the heavens opening up all at once...
I lay down right in the dust and looked up through my goggles to the sky and welled up with tears...
An african drum circle was playing next to me and the occasional "mutant art car" drove by playing loud music with laughter and voices behind that...
And through my goggles this beautiful phenomenon.. This white spirit soars and swirled and rushed before my eyes. I was so so moved.
It is so wild that this place exists...
I almost can't really explain it other then a world of whiteness dotted with colors that are not even on the spectrum
I am now at the heebeegeebee healing camp about to get an ayurvedic consultation with one of their healers.
What an experience
Entry 11
I have been here so many time before...
Molly suggested we go on a mutant car tomorrow night and I said "I've always wanted to do that and never gotten around to it.." Hello!!! I've been here less then 24 hrs...
But just like when they greet you at the gate and say "welcome home"... I've been here and I belong here
The art lying underneath a thousand colorful neon bulbs in strands lighting at different times ... Unreal tonight
Up to teach yoga at 7am at the shift camp tomorrow
I miss my jamie. But I hope he doesn't come.. Its a hard journey to make and we need to make it together.
Entry 12
6am wakeup call to go teach yoga... The playa is freezing and light is just pouring in... And there are still about twenty different bass lines wafting through the air in earshot of our RV.
People are definitely still up running around this grown-up playground!
Entry 13
Opened my eyes this morning at 6am the sun was just rising over the playa... Spirit healers walking in silence and partygoers still riding on mutant vehicles playing dub step music...
These dust storms are the shamic spirit of the playa reminding us that they are here whether snails shooting flames are here or not.
Beautiful.
I went for coffee at center camp and listened to acoustic music as the sun came up cascading its glory over the art which abounds throughout this cosmic wonderland...
This is a mad carnival playground for grownups
I practiced yoga way out.. About a mile into the playa... Surrounded by this glorious cracked dried playa dust... It was phenomenal.
There was an installation nearby with metal trees surrounding a little house with pillows and instructions to write a "future memory" on leaves and then pin them on the metal trees.
I meditated and has a strong vision, a future memory of childbirth.. Painful but cathartic and beautiful...
Entry 14
If you could see what I could see from the rooftop of this RV through dust covered lenses you'd be looking at a sea of twinkling, dancing, blinking, strobing, flickering, twirling neon light and flames... For miles.
It looks like we are on the moon dancing to summon the aliens...
Un-real
No joke... This white dust looks like moondust... And the blinking madness is of the aliens
Entry 15
In the playa, last night was a giant ring of flames that sporadically shot 50 foot flames into the air... Inside the ring were fire dancers
There were buses turned into caterpillars and snails that shot flames out of their backs.
We wandered through these art installations wide eyed, amazed by every single bizarre, unbelievable thing that I could never have even dreamed up in my wildest fantasies...
This place is bonkers.
Entry 16
Wednesday... I was able to get to the "satellite phone" someone has gifted burning man and was able to call jamie. We decided that he is not coming this year... I am worried about his ankle but relieved that I'm not going to be waiting for him to find me here.
We taught yoga this morning... A class in three parts... I taught the first third... Doing breathwork and warm up.. We ended up having 30 people which was amazing. I loved adjusting everyone because their hearts are so open and everyone is SO receptive to touch and adjustments...
When we got back, ross and jessica came over and we made plans for the night... We are going to go to the temple which is a GIANT wooden structure way out in the deep playa that burns on saturday... And everyone wears white and there are breakbeats playing all night.
Then I went over to the dreams tent and had one of the most powerful readings/ therapy sessions etc...
Three pyschics read me..
it wads profound... all about jamie and me and intuition...
Then i went to see the woman in the spirit cafe who was painting on people's bodies and she touches you and divinity tells her what to pain and where... And she painted a lilly flower on my right arm for jamie and I.... Its OUR flower... From weddings, anniversary, everything
Entry 17
I hand wrote a few incidents that stood out to me as totally bizarre on a scrap of paper in my pocket,
Mind you... These are minor incidents within a sea of similar obscurities and oddities...
A guy in a hooded gold unitard just rode by me on a jet ski
Dancing to alex's boyfriend marquis play a set at the art car wash... Which has pool noodles in a spiral to look like a carwash, and a scaffolding for people to dance on.... A herd of cows came towards us. 30 people in head-to-toe cow costumes with utters. (One wearing a pope hat)... And a black guy in a leopard suit with a glittering gold tophat on pogo sticks jumping with the herd... Came through the carwash.
Five minutes later a silver pirate ship driven by a naked fully turquoise man drove through and all the cows got on. Wild!
Entry 18
Today I got my hair washed in the hairwashing booth and named my washer "truth"
Then I went to center camp and saw a myriad of a bunch of performers and circus weirdos...
Then ross and jessica and I rode around... We went to the hookadome and had an incredible experience... Ambient sounds, a drummer, beautiful draped ceilings, hookahs and a man who sprayed us with lavender oil water...
Then I stood on the roof of my RV and watched skydivers drop into the playa as the full moon rose over the mountains...
Spectacular
Entry 19
We had an amazing magical mystery tour with my RV (alex, Dennis, leo, molly and chris and tosh)... Went down a three story high astroturf slide on a potato sack...
Went in a spaceship
We walked ALL over the playa... Night is so different when we walk.. Much more interactive but freezing cold and really really long walks..
I finished the night at 4 am in the jazz cafe listening to a group of 50/60 year old men playing amaaaaazing jazz music... It could have been in the palisades.. But I suppose the passed out christmas tree dressed girl in the corner and the naked man all in silver paint listening in the audience gave away that this was nooooot the palisades!!
I also saw christoph and his girlfriend again.. I walked up to her and did a polychanell...
We got two new people in our camp mikey and christian who are hysterical. Christian is sleeping on the roof.
So funny. I looooooove these people, my camp roooooocks.
Entry 20
Last night I watched the universe melt.
Entry 21
Its the night the man burns... Just spent hours on the roof of the RV re acclimating, surmising, recapping, and analyzing this illuminating experience.
There is only what is....
Entry 22
The man burning was so cathartic and moving.
We sat on the breathing playa earth in a group holding each other, recognizing the end of this experience with fear, sadness, acceptance and finally... Clarity.
I thought back to the moment I first felt the moving, dancing spirit of a playa dust storm move through the desert canvas while raindrops fell on my goggled eyes, guarding the tears that rolled down my cheeks.
I thought of the massive opening and light that shines here illuminating divine consciousness and truth.
David and I sat on the roof before we left for the burn, playa dust swirling around us. He, acting as a mirror or filter for me to come to my conclusions... To sum up and make a single coherent thought about my experiences, which at present were wild, disconnected, overwhelming feelings.
It was one of the clearest moments I've seen or felt in my entire life when Mikey, (my newest soul brother and journey partner)
Asked me to teach him yoga as the sun rose at dawn after roaming the desert all night arm in arm deep in conversation and contemplation.
In this moment, it was so clear to me that teaching yoga is the way that I am able to channel the divine spirit through and relay it into pedestrian life. Perfect communication with the spirit and creator.
I realized that we should not focus on what SHOULD be, but what IS.
That there are no "higher levels of consciousness"... Only consciousness.
The top of my head split open and the bright sunshine fire-light gowing like the crown beneath the man during the burn- began to shoot skyward like the bursts of flames we've seen all week on the playa.
My path... Although not straight and nothing like what I thought it was, lit up... And lead to that divine light source and beacon... Confirming what I've been following... My life work so clear in this single sunrise moment shared with someone who was a stranger only a few days ago.
My life work...
To love fiercely and deeply
To teach the little bit that I know and to unite... To yoke...
To live yoga in every waking hour beside my partner... The man who's soul my firey heart beats every beat for and with..
God, I hope he gets what the HELL I am talking about. Jamie has been in every thought and moment and literally every single beat of my heart since I have been here.
Entry 23
Sitting on the roof of the RV taking one last look, one last long inhale... Trying to absorb and lock in this place.
We just watched the temple burn. A totally different experience to the man burning... The man burning was loud and exciting and boisterous... A celebration with fireworks galore.
This temple burn was silent and somber.. Started with about 10-15 skydivers with flares on their feet and next thing you knew the temple was on fire. This beautifully constructed wooden piece
of art garnished with dreams, wishes, intentions and memories began to collapse one petal at a time, like a flower dying and springing new birth.The smoke coming off the flames was golden and iridescent in the moonlight.
As if by magic, a bird flew from what looked like out of the flames and up into the sky. We ALL saw this small golden bird and heard the chirp. Like a spirit released...
I turned to each of my friends who I've spent this journey with, humbly thanking them for being a part of my experience!
Entry 24
I fell asleep in the RV before we even pulled out of the spot where we've been parked and thus called home for seven long days... 4:45 and F... I woke up 6 hours later with an aching heart. I think I just knew I had to sleep it off and couldn't sit and watch the playa get smaller and smaller in the distance... I had to pull off the baindaid so to speak.
I woke up at a pit stop at mcdonalds in who-knows-where....
Where's all the art cars?
A pit in my stomach...
Where's the playa dust?
I feel incapacitated.. Like I've broken up with a loved one.
I feel like a butterfly that just lost my wings... Now I have to go back to walking around on my own feet, like the caterpillar I once was before I grew wings and learned to fly...
I am going back to a world that is entirely fine.. I'm a healthy, happy caterpillar, but I KNOW what it feels like to fly... I know that I have the capacity to spread my wings... But I also know that they only grow in a certain climate and I won't be able to return there and fly again for another year. In the meantime I will remain broken... Looking full and complete as a caterpillar to most... But those who know me on the playa know that this is just a younger, wingless version of me.
How do I go back to crawling and walking when I remember soaring and flying?
My heart literally aches for that place already...
Friday, August 28, 2009
i RIDE my bike to work
sooo... over the last month i have ridden a bike to work more days than i have driven.
I realized that this qualifies me to say " i RIDE my bike to work..."
that is so amazing.
first of all... i was never a big bike rider.
i think we had bikes as kids, but i can't quite remember really ever being on them. I remember once our bikes got stolen in the Bennett house, but still... i have no recollection of riding my bike as a kid. I guess i was of the mindset "why ride, when you can dance where you need to go?"
anyways... about 2 years ago Bianca suggested we go for a bike ride, and i have to admit i was totally scared. I knew i could still do it, but i felt SO awkward sitting atop this big beach cruiser... and no matter what, everytime i picked up speed and heard the air rushing past my ears i would hear the witch from the wizard of oz song "dada-dada-dada-daaaaa, dada-dada-dada-daaaa"
anyways, needless to say it came back to me... feeling like i didnt need to divebomb the grass and bail out when i was going too fast... (i beleive that is how Lara learned to ride a bike.... i think my dad taught her on a bike with no brakes or something... did i make this up? perhaps. i just seem to remember in salinas Lara coming in from learning to ride a bike all bloody and bruised.... perhpas this is where my awkwardness and slight fear stems from..) anyways. i digress (for a change)
I am RIDING a bike these days and i love it. I have learned how to avoid traffic, and i even run errands now. I rode my bike to work and then all the way up to the 99 cent store to buy some 99cent suppplies for burning man.. woo hooo i leave on sunday.... and then i rode my bike all the way home past the morgan wixon theatre where i just performed thoroughly modern millie.
WELL... right in front.. giant 36x36 marquee is the artwork i did for a kids play they are putting
on called "too many frogs"... i illustrated a little bunny sitting in an armchair reading to a frog and did the flyer, and marquee and little postcards..
it was really fun... i feel like a published artist... and it makes me remember how much i want to write and illustrate a chilren's book one day...
maybe when i have kids of my own!
OH right... i am talking about riding my bike to work..
SO, i love it and i feel like i am doing good for the world and it feels good physically to ride AND i am much more energized when i get where i am going then if i sit in my car in traffic gradually getting lulled to sleep by the sound (and probably fumes) of my engine.
Like, when i get home from work after riding my bike, i feel like i have the energy to go to an evening yoga class which is AWESOME! i am much more likely NOT to plop on the couch with popcorn and watch reruns of seinfeld. (our absolute most favorite thing to do always, any time anywhere... including our honeymoon!.)
OK.. i am clearly getting away from this whole bike riding thing. But let me just say i feel so proud to chain up my bike outside the office next to everyone's cars.
pat on the back for zani.
I realized that this qualifies me to say " i RIDE my bike to work..."
that is so amazing.
first of all... i was never a big bike rider.
i think we had bikes as kids, but i can't quite remember really ever being on them. I remember once our bikes got stolen in the Bennett house, but still... i have no recollection of riding my bike as a kid. I guess i was of the mindset "why ride, when you can dance where you need to go?"
anyways... about 2 years ago Bianca suggested we go for a bike ride, and i have to admit i was totally scared. I knew i could still do it, but i felt SO awkward sitting atop this big beach cruiser... and no matter what, everytime i picked up speed and heard the air rushing past my ears i would hear the witch from the wizard of oz song "dada-dada-dada-daaaaa, dada-dada-dada-daaaa"
anyways, needless to say it came back to me... feeling like i didnt need to divebomb the grass and bail out when i was going too fast... (i beleive that is how Lara learned to ride a bike.... i think my dad taught her on a bike with no brakes or something... did i make this up? perhaps. i just seem to remember in salinas Lara coming in from learning to ride a bike all bloody and bruised.... perhpas this is where my awkwardness and slight fear stems from..) anyways. i digress (for a change)
I am RIDING a bike these days and i love it. I have learned how to avoid traffic, and i even run errands now. I rode my bike to work and then all the way up to the 99 cent store to buy some 99cent suppplies for burning man.. woo hooo i leave on sunday.... and then i rode my bike all the way home past the morgan wixon theatre where i just performed thoroughly modern millie.
WELL... right in front.. giant 36x36 marquee is the artwork i did for a kids play they are putting
on called "too many frogs"... i illustrated a little bunny sitting in an armchair reading to a frog and did the flyer, and marquee and little postcards..it was really fun... i feel like a published artist... and it makes me remember how much i want to write and illustrate a chilren's book one day...
maybe when i have kids of my own!
OH right... i am talking about riding my bike to work..
SO, i love it and i feel like i am doing good for the world and it feels good physically to ride AND i am much more energized when i get where i am going then if i sit in my car in traffic gradually getting lulled to sleep by the sound (and probably fumes) of my engine.
Like, when i get home from work after riding my bike, i feel like i have the energy to go to an evening yoga class which is AWESOME! i am much more likely NOT to plop on the couch with popcorn and watch reruns of seinfeld. (our absolute most favorite thing to do always, any time anywhere... including our honeymoon!.)
OK.. i am clearly getting away from this whole bike riding thing. But let me just say i feel so proud to chain up my bike outside the office next to everyone's cars.
pat on the back for zani.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
some more stuff
here are some facts for you to know about me. (if for any reason you might find yourself interested)
1. i've always wanted to be a stunt person
2. my parents named me planning to call me "xani" but i changed it to "zan" when i was 9.
3. i had lived in 12 houses when i was 10 yrs old, including a few in germany and switzerland.
4. i am convinced that my parents are like those gypsie people in the movie "chocolat" that have to put on red capes and move towns when the wind changes.
5. i got legally married at 19
6. i can play the bass.... badly... thanks to the turquoise bass jamie bought me three years ago and i only picked up a few months ago.
7. i really like socks of all sorts, and i keep single socks that lost their pair in a drawer called the "sock grave"
8. i LOVE cleaning my apartment, and go on a rampage from time to time... scrubbing for hours and hours.
9. there was a time in my life when i actually believed i was from the planet zork and would speak gibberish to myself to prove it.
10. i love snowboarding and have never even put on a pair of skis.
11. sometimes when i am alone i think of something funny and burst in to laughter... but i'm talking the kind of laughter where i cant breathe and my eyes water and my stomach muscles hurts
12. i taught preschool for four years at a jewish temple even though i was raised catholic
13. when i was a kid my "security blanket" was a stupid paperback book called "one hundred and one funny bunny jokes" and i left it in a symphony hall one time and cried for days until my dad went back and found it (or bought me a new one... i cant be sure)
14. we weren't allowed to watch TV as kids... we had ONE video of the sound of music and ONE of westside story with the last half recorded over... When i finally saw the whole thing of westside story, i was like.. HEY! It doesn't end like that! You added all this fighting stuff in! thanks mom. that was almost as cool a moment as when i didnt know who new kids on the block were in third grade.
15. i was in AWE when i went to Melissa Wenke's house and she could maneuver a TV remote control without looking at it.
16. My sisters and I put on plays in the garage wherever we lived and got REALLY serious about them. we wrote scripts, had costumes (from the amazing costume trunk), masks (left over from the opera), makeup (stolen from mom's purse), and sets (made out of indian bedspreads)
17. when we lived in switzerland my mom was so depressed from the cold, dark winter she would blast the heat, put us in little bathing suits and grass skirts and blare latin music and we would have dance parties all day...
18. i think i am mildly agoraphobic... i hate the IDEA of going out and being social.. but then once i am out i am totally fine..
19. when i lived in London, i worked at the society of trust and estate practitioners.... i couldn't tell you why.
20. when i moved back from London I immediately bought a convertible, became a yoga instructor and realized i would never leave California again.
21. If i could, i would eat only raw foods forever.
22. I got kicked out of Pali High... twice.
23. I love cooking shows, even though i can't eat ONE thing they cook due to my bizarre eating regulations...
24. I've had two houses burn down. One was a forest fire, one was an electrical fire.
25. I have two tattoos... both i got before I was 17 with a fake ID.
1. i've always wanted to be a stunt person
2. my parents named me planning to call me "xani" but i changed it to "zan" when i was 9.
3. i had lived in 12 houses when i was 10 yrs old, including a few in germany and switzerland.
4. i am convinced that my parents are like those gypsie people in the movie "chocolat" that have to put on red capes and move towns when the wind changes.
5. i got legally married at 19
6. i can play the bass.... badly... thanks to the turquoise bass jamie bought me three years ago and i only picked up a few months ago.
7. i really like socks of all sorts, and i keep single socks that lost their pair in a drawer called the "sock grave"
8. i LOVE cleaning my apartment, and go on a rampage from time to time... scrubbing for hours and hours.
9. there was a time in my life when i actually believed i was from the planet zork and would speak gibberish to myself to prove it.
10. i love snowboarding and have never even put on a pair of skis.
11. sometimes when i am alone i think of something funny and burst in to laughter... but i'm talking the kind of laughter where i cant breathe and my eyes water and my stomach muscles hurts
12. i taught preschool for four years at a jewish temple even though i was raised catholic
13. when i was a kid my "security blanket" was a stupid paperback book called "one hundred and one funny bunny jokes" and i left it in a symphony hall one time and cried for days until my dad went back and found it (or bought me a new one... i cant be sure)
14. we weren't allowed to watch TV as kids... we had ONE video of the sound of music and ONE of westside story with the last half recorded over... When i finally saw the whole thing of westside story, i was like.. HEY! It doesn't end like that! You added all this fighting stuff in! thanks mom. that was almost as cool a moment as when i didnt know who new kids on the block were in third grade.
15. i was in AWE when i went to Melissa Wenke's house and she could maneuver a TV remote control without looking at it.
16. My sisters and I put on plays in the garage wherever we lived and got REALLY serious about them. we wrote scripts, had costumes (from the amazing costume trunk), masks (left over from the opera), makeup (stolen from mom's purse), and sets (made out of indian bedspreads)
17. when we lived in switzerland my mom was so depressed from the cold, dark winter she would blast the heat, put us in little bathing suits and grass skirts and blare latin music and we would have dance parties all day...
18. i think i am mildly agoraphobic... i hate the IDEA of going out and being social.. but then once i am out i am totally fine..
19. when i lived in London, i worked at the society of trust and estate practitioners.... i couldn't tell you why.
20. when i moved back from London I immediately bought a convertible, became a yoga instructor and realized i would never leave California again.
21. If i could, i would eat only raw foods forever.
22. I got kicked out of Pali High... twice.
23. I love cooking shows, even though i can't eat ONE thing they cook due to my bizarre eating regulations...
24. I've had two houses burn down. One was a forest fire, one was an electrical fire.
25. I have two tattoos... both i got before I was 17 with a fake ID.
some stuff
1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:00am
2. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds!
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Bruno..i laughed and gasped but was overall unimpressed.
4. What is your favorite TV show? So you think you can dance!
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? coffee... and if i eat i will have yogurt and a perfect foods bar
6. What is your middle name? Devon
7. What food do you dislike? capers, fennel, and anything smoky like chiptole.
8. What is your favorite CD at moment? MC yogi - elephant dreams
9 What kind of car do you drive? a little blue converable
10. Favorite sandwich? Rawvolution's cocophoria... curried coconut jerkey mmmmmmm.
11. What characteristic do you despise? i dont desise anyone or anything about anyone.. but i find in-authenticity really aggrevating.
12. Favorite item of clothing? anything flowy and soft... my bamboo wrap sweater is awesome
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? machu picchu... although i am going to belize in october and preeeeety stoked on that.
14 . Favorite brand of clothing? dont really have one... maybe lululemon or yogitoes (when we are making clothing)
15. Where would you retire to? malibu?
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? 20th... jamie and i went took a helicopter to catalina with his parents and rented a bicycle built for two... and just had one of those perfect days
17. Favorite sport to watch? football
20. When is your birthday? April 16th
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? morning!
22. What is your shoe size? 8.5
23. Pets? never had one..
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?going to burning man in 72 hours!
25. What did you want to be when you were little? prima ballerina
26. How are you today? happy and feeling blessed to be in a beauitful world
27. What is your favorite candy? im not huge on candy... but probably now and laters... just cuz i love brent.
28. What is your favorite flower? lilies... because i had them at my wedding!
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? sunday! burning man or bust day
30. What's your full name? Alexandra Devon Roberts
31. What are you listening to right now? silence
32. What was the last thing you ate? thai food... i looooove it
33. Do you wish on stars? yes... i wished on a shooting star... actually a meteor at the willie nelson concert a few weeks ago
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? cerulean... not sure why
36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? i dont think ive been on the phone.. but i texted max early to meet him for breakfast at urth cafe
37. Favorite soft drink? not really a soft drink person... but i love ginger beer!
40. What was your favorite toy as a child? the dress-up trunk
41. Summer or winter? summer!!
42. Hugs or kisses? cuddles!
43. Chocolate or Vanilla? depends on the day... but usually vanilla.
48. What did you do last night? took kathryn's yoga class and watched top chef with jamie..
asleep by 11pm
49. What are you afraid of ? birds
50. Salty or sweet? salty all day.
2. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds!
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Bruno..i laughed and gasped but was overall unimpressed.
4. What is your favorite TV show? So you think you can dance!
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? coffee... and if i eat i will have yogurt and a perfect foods bar
6. What is your middle name? Devon
7. What food do you dislike? capers, fennel, and anything smoky like chiptole.
8. What is your favorite CD at moment? MC yogi - elephant dreams
9 What kind of car do you drive? a little blue converable
10. Favorite sandwich? Rawvolution's cocophoria... curried coconut jerkey mmmmmmm.
11. What characteristic do you despise? i dont desise anyone or anything about anyone.. but i find in-authenticity really aggrevating.
12. Favorite item of clothing? anything flowy and soft... my bamboo wrap sweater is awesome
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? machu picchu... although i am going to belize in october and preeeeety stoked on that.
14 . Favorite brand of clothing? dont really have one... maybe lululemon or yogitoes (when we are making clothing)
15. Where would you retire to? malibu?
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? 20th... jamie and i went took a helicopter to catalina with his parents and rented a bicycle built for two... and just had one of those perfect days
17. Favorite sport to watch? football
20. When is your birthday? April 16th
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? morning!
22. What is your shoe size? 8.5
23. Pets? never had one..
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?going to burning man in 72 hours!
25. What did you want to be when you were little? prima ballerina
26. How are you today? happy and feeling blessed to be in a beauitful world
27. What is your favorite candy? im not huge on candy... but probably now and laters... just cuz i love brent.
28. What is your favorite flower? lilies... because i had them at my wedding!
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? sunday! burning man or bust day
30. What's your full name? Alexandra Devon Roberts
31. What are you listening to right now? silence
32. What was the last thing you ate? thai food... i looooove it
33. Do you wish on stars? yes... i wished on a shooting star... actually a meteor at the willie nelson concert a few weeks ago
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? cerulean... not sure why
36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? i dont think ive been on the phone.. but i texted max early to meet him for breakfast at urth cafe
37. Favorite soft drink? not really a soft drink person... but i love ginger beer!
40. What was your favorite toy as a child? the dress-up trunk
41. Summer or winter? summer!!
42. Hugs or kisses? cuddles!
43. Chocolate or Vanilla? depends on the day... but usually vanilla.
48. What did you do last night? took kathryn's yoga class and watched top chef with jamie..
asleep by 11pm
49. What are you afraid of ? birds
50. Salty or sweet? salty all day.
Monday, August 24, 2009
I'm a cruiser
I like beach cruisers, convertibles, comfy couches and soft blankets...
I like flexible work schedules and flowy clothing
I like lying on the beach and reading while mindlessly playing with sand between my fingers and toes
I like grazing and nibbling when I'm hungry
I like leaving the house with wet hair and letting the sun dry it
I like being barefoot ALMOST always.. with the exception of when i watch movies and like soft, snuggly socks
I like cruisin around a golf course in a golfcart while humming to myself
I like SIGHing out in yoga
I like meditating with a breeze blowing past my face
I dont like doing NOTHING, but i dont like being crazy.. I'm clearly just a cruiser....
I like flexible work schedules and flowy clothing
I like lying on the beach and reading while mindlessly playing with sand between my fingers and toes
I like grazing and nibbling when I'm hungry
I like leaving the house with wet hair and letting the sun dry it
I like being barefoot ALMOST always.. with the exception of when i watch movies and like soft, snuggly socks
I like cruisin around a golf course in a golfcart while humming to myself
I like SIGHing out in yoga
I like meditating with a breeze blowing past my face
I dont like doing NOTHING, but i dont like being crazy.. I'm clearly just a cruiser....
Friday, August 21, 2009
nostalgia
dear gorgeous girlfriends...
i am sitting in my office this evening and the sun is at that 6:30pm angle where it is just so beautiful and golden, pouring in through the window like warm honey..
and jack johnson "brushfire fairytales" is playing on my computer through my itunes..
my heart feels so heavy.
at first i thought it was sadness.
of course you five girls came to my mind, because you were so influential and important in my life during the brushfire fairytale that was our life in highschool and beyond
and i thought i was heavy hearted because i missed all of you so much.
that part is true.
i miss you all...
a LOT.
even though i see some of you frequently, i just reminisce to the years of the bluffs, sitting for hours with no job or husband or things drawing us away from this golden honey sunset light.
(except maybe my parents and their crazy curfew for me)..
what a beautiful life.
but its not sadness that is making my heart heavy.
it's saturation.
my heart is heavy because it is saturated with all the sweet juicy delicious love you have given it over the years. and when i hear this music all the spouts open up and all that love that i keep away in my most prized treasure box in my heart pours out and makes my heart heave with all the love. it's the weight of the millions of memories like millions of wet towels draped across my heart.
so.. okay, enough with all the weird descriptions...
all i am saying is thank you.
i am so honored to know all of you and to have been able to experience what i have experienced with all of you and i wouldn't trade in a single minute for all the world.
thank you for standing by me and supporting me and loving me over all these years.
if you think i am being a gushy, crazy loon try playing brushfire fairytales alone while the sun moves towards setting one evening and you'll see what im going through at this moment.
Namascaram. (the divine light in me bows to the divine light in all of you.)
OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTI
_________________________
wrote this email last night to five goddesses that mean so much to me.
i am sitting in my office this evening and the sun is at that 6:30pm angle where it is just so beautiful and golden, pouring in through the window like warm honey..
and jack johnson "brushfire fairytales" is playing on my computer through my itunes..
my heart feels so heavy.
at first i thought it was sadness.
of course you five girls came to my mind, because you were so influential and important in my life during the brushfire fairytale that was our life in highschool and beyond
and i thought i was heavy hearted because i missed all of you so much.
that part is true.
i miss you all...
a LOT.
even though i see some of you frequently, i just reminisce to the years of the bluffs, sitting for hours with no job or husband or things drawing us away from this golden honey sunset light.
(except maybe my parents and their crazy curfew for me)..
what a beautiful life.
but its not sadness that is making my heart heavy.
it's saturation.
my heart is heavy because it is saturated with all the sweet juicy delicious love you have given it over the years. and when i hear this music all the spouts open up and all that love that i keep away in my most prized treasure box in my heart pours out and makes my heart heave with all the love. it's the weight of the millions of memories like millions of wet towels draped across my heart.
so.. okay, enough with all the weird descriptions...
all i am saying is thank you.
i am so honored to know all of you and to have been able to experience what i have experienced with all of you and i wouldn't trade in a single minute for all the world.
thank you for standing by me and supporting me and loving me over all these years.
if you think i am being a gushy, crazy loon try playing brushfire fairytales alone while the sun moves towards setting one evening and you'll see what im going through at this moment.
Namascaram. (the divine light in me bows to the divine light in all of you.)
OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTI
_________________________
wrote this email last night to five goddesses that mean so much to me.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
meteors and music
yesterday we went out to lake elsinore baseball diamond and watched willie nelson, john cougar mellencamp, and bob dylan rock out.it was me, jame, BB, candie, and sean... and it was so so so fun.
we arrived in lake elsinore around 4pm and i swear it was 400 degrees. it was like hitting a wall of heat. the line to get in was all the way through the parking lot, so we stood in the boiling sun getting total heatstroke, but combating it.. err adding to it more like... with our alchoholic beverages! finally we got in and went straight down to the field to set up our blankets.
BB has been the biggest willie fan for-ever. shes seen him around 30 times. i didnt get it until i saw him. he is just so engaging and loving and happy and is still an INCREDIBLE performer at age 76! i fell in love with him right then and there. i felt like he was singing straight to me!
we were right up at the front of the stage while he was performing and then retreated to our blankets that were not far away from the stage for john mellencamp. (i have had "aint that america" stuck in my head since he sang it)... he was great too, but nothing like willie. he sang as the sun started to go down. (thank god).... although we were still sweating from dancing around like crazies.
finally, bob dylan came on. i am HUGE dylan fan, but he always disappoints in concert. BUT he was way better then he was last time we went and saw him down in san diego. he is just so cool on stage. last time he didnt even pick up a guitar... at least this time he was playing and singing instead of talk/mubmling.... but i still loved it.
at one point BB and i went over to the grass and lay down looking up at the stars singing along.. but doing our OWN rendition.. the way he used to sing when he was younger and poorer and actually wanted us to love him. in my head i was totally doing a duet with him! and as i was lying there i saw a shooting star and then two more and then i remembered that there was a meteor shower going on!! there was so much light coming off the stage i only saw those three,
but it was pretty cool to think that bob dylan was singing just feet away from me underneath a meteor showered sky.life is pretty beautiful.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
a thought as i was falling asleep... grabbed the blackberry and typed an email to myself...
our purpose here on earth is to love...
not just our partners and the things we find attractive...
but to love those things that disgust us...
love the things that frustrate and annoy us...
find unity among all that lives and exists and even the things that dont live
because we are all one
we are all atoms...
energy vibrating at different frequencies and taking shape in different ways...
different beautiful ways..
unique and perfect within..
and we must love love love
until as a species we evolve..
we reach that higher consciousness as ONE... as the one that we already inherently are...
love is the only way.
not just our partners and the things we find attractive...
but to love those things that disgust us...
love the things that frustrate and annoy us...
find unity among all that lives and exists and even the things that dont live
because we are all one
we are all atoms...
energy vibrating at different frequencies and taking shape in different ways...
different beautiful ways..
unique and perfect within..
and we must love love love
until as a species we evolve..
we reach that higher consciousness as ONE... as the one that we already inherently are...
love is the only way.
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