dear gorgeous girlfriends...
i am sitting in my office this evening and the sun is at that 6:30pm angle where it is just so beautiful and golden, pouring in through the window like warm honey..
and jack johnson "brushfire fairytales" is playing on my computer through my itunes..
my heart feels so heavy.
at first i thought it was sadness.
of course you five girls came to my mind, because you were so influential and important in my life during the brushfire fairytale that was our life in highschool and beyond
and i thought i was heavy hearted because i missed all of you so much.
that part is true.
i miss you all...
a LOT.
even though i see some of you frequently, i just reminisce to the years of the bluffs, sitting for hours with no job or husband or things drawing us away from this golden honey sunset light.
(except maybe my parents and their crazy curfew for me)..
what a beautiful life.
but its not sadness that is making my heart heavy.
it's saturation.
my heart is heavy because it is saturated with all the sweet juicy delicious love you have given it over the years. and when i hear this music all the spouts open up and all that love that i keep away in my most prized treasure box in my heart pours out and makes my heart heave with all the love. it's the weight of the millions of memories like millions of wet towels draped across my heart.
so.. okay, enough with all the weird descriptions...
all i am saying is thank you.
i am so honored to know all of you and to have been able to experience what i have experienced with all of you and i wouldn't trade in a single minute for all the world.
thank you for standing by me and supporting me and loving me over all these years.
if you think i am being a gushy, crazy loon try playing brushfire fairytales alone while the sun moves towards setting one evening and you'll see what im going through at this moment.
Namascaram. (the divine light in me bows to the divine light in all of you.)
OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTI
_________________________
wrote this email last night to five goddesses that mean so much to me.
:
- ...phoenix.kaivalya...
- :, Indonesia
- I do not speak my truth to antagonize you.... I share this swollen river running -- This waterfall of faith-- because it flows from me like lennon's endless rain.... --my paper cup: this poem-- to which an endless string of words spill out and on to... I stain the sentences with abundant articulations that boil inside of me... I thirst, I starve, I crave. and all that quenches... all that can satiate me is to open the faucet and allow the words to run... They skip and dance across themselves... They formulate on their way out like fireworks deciding which way they will face when they open and sizzle in the night air... And when they do... it's a sight to behold. It shocks me like the boom, and takes me aback to see what has emerged. And Keroac knew. He knew all along... that I was one. As my words explode like spiders across the sky... I watch in staggering wonder at my truth revealed and know that I am home here. I have taken my vow... signed in blood... solemnly sworn myself in... been hazed and pinky promised... and I know... without the shadow of a doubt... that I am a mad one. ...and I wouldn't have it any other way.
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