lying in our bed...
i stare up with dry eyes...
at the ceiling that once hung above our intertwined bodies.
and it occurs to me that this is MY bed. not ours.
flipping through a book where i doodled of your name...
a folded love note flutters to the floor...
and all i see when i look to it...
is some ink on a creased sheet of paper...
where are my tears?
i could always find a sigh inside my chest when i buried my head in your dress shirts and breathed you in...
but now, either your essence has worn off on the shirts...
or you've just worn off me.
your touch has washed off my skin and my heart is calloused.
it seems i am desensitized...
where now, when i run my fingers across your guitar strings i can't even taste your music in the corners of my mouth...
that dead, lifeless thing thumping in my chest, used to soar and chirp and skip around in circles for you...
i never thought i could feel so little.
:
- ...phoenix.kaivalya...
- :, Indonesia
- I do not speak my truth to antagonize you.... I share this swollen river running -- This waterfall of faith-- because it flows from me like lennon's endless rain.... --my paper cup: this poem-- to which an endless string of words spill out and on to... I stain the sentences with abundant articulations that boil inside of me... I thirst, I starve, I crave. and all that quenches... all that can satiate me is to open the faucet and allow the words to run... They skip and dance across themselves... They formulate on their way out like fireworks deciding which way they will face when they open and sizzle in the night air... And when they do... it's a sight to behold. It shocks me like the boom, and takes me aback to see what has emerged. And Keroac knew. He knew all along... that I was one. As my words explode like spiders across the sky... I watch in staggering wonder at my truth revealed and know that I am home here. I have taken my vow... signed in blood... solemnly sworn myself in... been hazed and pinky promised... and I know... without the shadow of a doubt... that I am a mad one. ...and I wouldn't have it any other way.
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